It looks like you’re reading this despite the title.

You had no choice; I was speaking to your subconscious mind.

When the COVID pandemic started in 2020, an educational campaign told people, “Don’t touch your face.”  All I wanted to do was to touch my face. The more I heard the phrase, the more I found myself itching to touch my face!  

Ha! You just touched your face, didn’t you?  

Why?

Studies have shown that when humans hear or read the word “don’t,” the psychological reaction is to focus on the words that come after don’t.  

Using “don’t” in my title had a positive outcome because I DID want you to read this, however, negative language such as “don’t” typically leads to negative actions.  

Conversely, positive words lead to positive actions.  

So, the next time you find yourself about to say “don’t,” stop and think about what you DO want and reframe your words. Here are some examples in various life contexts.

• Spouse or Partner: Instead of “Don’t forget,” say “Please remember.”
• Children: Instead of “Don’t make noise while I’m on my Zoom call,” say, “Let’s play quietly for a little while.”
• Boss: Instead of “I don’t have time for this,” say, “I need your input to help me prioritize my work.”
• Subordinate: Instead of “Don’t submit the report late,” say, “Please ensure the report is submitted by the end of the day.”
• Self: Instead of “I don’t want to make a mistake,” say, “I am committed to succeeding by learning from every experience.” 

You get the idea! 

Share some of your own examples of how you’ve replaced “don’t” with positive language. It’s a small change that can make a big difference in communication and leadership effectiveness.

Wishing you the best!