How likely are you to engage with someone you don’t trust? By engage, I mean things like:

• Would you hire them?
• Would you promote them?
• Would you refer them?
• Would you invite them to collaborate?

I know, it’s a silly question! I’m sure you know that trust is an important foundation for any relationship. 

I have yet to meet anyone who thinks they aren’t trustworthy.

Yet, sometimes, it can be the smallest thing that puts your trustworthiness in question and limits your ability to achieve your goals.

For example, when I was earlier in my career, I was intimidated by senior leaders. I would get nervous whenever I was in the room with my boss’s boss, Pete. My inner self-talk was saying things like, “Don’t say anything stupid,” or “How can I prove that I’m ready for a promotion?” I was so in my head, thinking about the implications for my career, that it showed outwardly. As a result, I was NOT IMPRESSIVE! And I certainly wasn’t earning Pete’s trust. 

Fortunately, I had an amazing boss, Cindy. Cindy was ready to promote me, but her boss, Pete, didn’t TRUST I was up to the job. So, she coached me on how to earn his trust.

One of the things Cindy had me work on was turning my focus outward. She advised me to shift my thoughts from worrying about my performance in front of Pete to being curious about his perspective. I remember her saying, make it ABOUT Pete when you’re in the room with him. What questions can you ask? What can you do to make him look good? What’s on his agenda? What does he need, and how can you help?

It was a small shift that had dramatic results! I had a few more meetings and practiced focusing outward and being curious about Pete’s needs.

After one of those meetings, my phone was ringing when I got back to my desk. It was Pete asking me to join him in his office with Cindy. When I arrived, Pete told me he had just been singing my praises to Cindy, and they wanted to promote me!

We all understand the basic elements of trust, yet there are a lot of nuances to building trusted relationships. My internal focus on my career was getting in the way of building a trusting relationship with Pete. Once I received coaching, I changed the dynamic and earned Pete’s trust. I don’t think Pete could articulate what behavioral shifts he noticed in me; he just felt he could trust me to lead and ensure the organization’s best interests were met.

Did you know there’s a formula for trust? If you’re curious, email me, and I’ll send you a PDF that describes the formula and how you can build trusting relationships.

Wishing you the best!