It’s that time of year again…time for the annual debate with my husband about Christmas movies.  

I love watching The Sound of Music every Christmas.  He tells me it’s not a Christmas movie, hoping I won’t make him watch it again.  And I tell him that I don’t care whether it’s a Christmas movie or not; it’s our tradition to watch it every year during the holiday season.  

Then he insists that we watch Die Hard because it IS a Christmas movie.  I tell him it’s not a Christmas movie.  He counters with my “Christmas tradition” defense to get me to watch it with him.

Fortunately, this is a playful debate, and both of us know that we will be watching the other person’s movie because they enjoy it, and we enjoy making each other happy.

This is not always the case when having a debate with family or colleagues.  Those difficult conversations can bring out negative emotions and leave you drained.  

Here are a few tips for the next time you find yourself in disagreement with another person.

• Assume Innocence:  Assume that the other person has positive intentions with their point of view.  Ask yourself why a reasonable, rational person would behave like this.
• Focus on the Facts: Actively listen and observe the other person, staying focused on what they are saying and doing; suspend judgment about why they are behaving this way.  
• Uncover Motive: Think about your goal and what you really want in the situation.  Is your motive to be “right” or to resolve the issue and leave the relationship intact?
• State Your Intentions: Share with the other person what you want to accomplish.
• Agree on Next Steps: Once you’ve resolved the issue, avoid further conflict by agreeing on any necessary follow-up actions. 

Appropriately managing conflict and navigating critical conversations is a valuable skill for both your personal and professional life.  If you’re feeling stuck in this area, contact me and let’s see how I might support you.

Wishing you the best!